I have to finally admit that I can't do it all. I kept thinking that I was drowning a little. Drowning in life. Drowning is a strong way to describe how I have felt, but it certainly fits. It would seem that I kept trying to keep my head up while treading in the water. But the water has been getting higher lately. It seemed that the water not only rose, but got choppier. I got to the point that only my nose and lips were above water. The worst part was that I seeemed to be adding more water to my already percarious situation. Everything from working in kid's classrooms, helping with the PTA, Young Women activities, meetings, projects, fund raisers, kids, discipline, laundry, gardening, lawn mowing, bills, piano lessons, bathrooms, bed wetting, sick kids, family outings, cooking, cleaning, babysitting, errands, etc etc. I didn't even get time to talk to my Mom. I used to talk to her everyday. And I kept missing phone calls of my sisters and good friends. I think I realized that I was drowning, when I started to cry in front of Abby and Sarah's teacher. Bawling. I decided that I was going crazy. Not just the usual crazy that I mention all the time. I am talking the truly almost mental and emotional breakdown stage. Do I dare admit this? That I thought for a bit that I should just stop volunteering, ask to be released and crawl in bed. The very least I had to do was quit blogging. So for the last two months I have desperately tried to keep myself from sinking. I think my kids and husband have suffered the most. I used to think I didn't PMS. But I think it lasted for weeks this month. But I finally decided one day that I was trying to do it alone. That once again hadn't I learned it was impossible to do? That only with Heavenly Father's help can I make it! I know I am slow to learn. But here I am. Blogging. It must mean I didn't drown. Does it mean I am out of the water? Nah. I think the water is permanently a part of life. So it means I have to look at all this treading as good exercise. And that when it really is too much, there is someone who has literally walked on water and can help.
I promise myself that next time I'll actually talk about something inspiring and fun. And I promise to cover the last few months. There has been much good to report too!
As soon as my computer returns from the computer doctor. It has died. It has been dead for quite some time. And now we await its revival. . . .
